I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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