I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize