is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
