just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
