Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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