So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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