Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
