MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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