well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
