My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
