You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
