bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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