I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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