And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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