Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
