that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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