I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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