At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
