There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
