oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize