i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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