He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
