Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize