moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
