Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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