Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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