Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize