k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
