did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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