i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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