He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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