Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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