somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
