Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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