This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
