i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
