the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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