Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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