2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
