He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
