I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize