Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
