from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
