It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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