Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
