You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
