I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
