I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
