I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
