I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
