so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
