I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
