taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
