sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
