You made me cry and you don't even care
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
