Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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