Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
