East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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