Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
