I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
