So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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