Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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